So I didn't post yesterday. I know what you're thinking--only three days into this blog and it looks like I've already fallen off the wagon. However, there's no need to fear! I didn't post yesterday because I was actually writing. That's right--for the first time in a long time I was able to sit down and focus on getting my story into a trusty Word Document (I love you Mr.Gates). I didn't just dabble at editing a few pages I've already written. I wrote new pages. It was wonderful..and absolutely horrifying all at the same time.
Is it normal to break into a cold sweat when you can't find an appropriate synonym for the word reach? Or feel faint when you can't remember the difference between "its vs it's"? Or have a panic attack when you realize you want to change the entire location of a scene but don't know how? I unfortunately experienced all of these things yesterday. Although I've been suffering from a bad cold for the last four days, a virus had nothing to do with my need to upchuck my breakfast lunch and dinner yesterday. I don't recall anyone mentioning this in any of those books I've read about writing. If they did I may have assumed they were just joking. It is officially no joke! Okay, so I know why these things are happening. It's (its?--whatever) obviously a psychosomatic response brought on by my fear of not being able to accomplish my goal of becoming a writer blah blah blah. But seriously, I could have lived without the hyperventilating interruptions because when they weren't happening I was actually getting some pretty decent work done. Admittedly a week from now I may look at the pages I wrote yesterday and toss them like garbage, but at least I was able to get the juices flowing a again.
With all of my lows yesterday came some pretty fantastic highs because regardless of those bad moments I was able to continue my story. I was able to flesh out the beginnings of a new chapter and advance the plot of my book. I finally settled on the action at this point in the storyline and worked on giving several of my characters a little more depth and substance (hopefully). The panic attacks were totally worth it because now I'm ten more pages (2,304 words) closer to finishing my first draft. Although I must admit that I'm hoping that with each word and page I'm able to get out, the whole "Oh my God! What was I thinking?!" panic response will lessen. It's either that or start each writing session the same way I start laundry night--with some ice cream and a margarita, but I doubt my jeans will be able to take that type of daily strain...
Write to you soon,